Do we say it on purpose? Do we mean it when we say it? What do children think when they hear it? Whether intentional or not, adding the word okay to the end of a sentence immediately turns the statement into a question. It is a practice that has become commonplace, particularly when speaking to children. In spite of knowing better, I, like so many others, have caught myself following suit.
Recently, while in a store, just one store mind you, I overheard the comments below made by an adult, directed at a child:
“When we leave here, I have to get gas before we go home, okay?”
“Before we leave the store, you'll need to put your coat on, okay?"
“No, I’m not buying that (candy); it’s too close to dinner, okay?” (response to child asking for a snack at the checkout)
“We had MacDonalds last night. I’m not going there again tonight. I’ll make something at home, okay?”
I’m not sure when the practice of adding okay to the end of sentences began. Certainly, it has been long enough that I’m convinced many parents today do so automatically without regard to the actual implication. Did I apply the practice when raising my own children? Though not entirely sure, I’m guessing that I may have, at least occasionally. It is worth noting that I have no memory of my own parents ever ending a sentence with the word okay unless they genuinely wanted a response.
Adding the word okay to the end of a statement immediately turns it into the question, “Is that agreeable to you?” For example, when saying to a child, “We’re having broccoli for dinner, okay?” a parent may hear the response, “I don’t like broccoli” or “I don’t want broccoli.” Such responses open the door for back-and-forth bantering between parent and child, with the parent likely trying to convince the child why he/she should eat broccoli and/or the importance of including vegetables in one’s daily diet. Depending on the tenacity of the child, such bantering can go on indefinitely (ad nauseam). Out of frustration and exasperation, the parent may abruptly announce, “Like it or not, we’re having broccoli” or “Okay, I’ll make carrots.” Of course, if the former becomes the case, additional discord may arise if the child refuses to eat the broccoli at dinner. This example demonstrates one of many reasons why raising children has become so taxing for parents today.
The child’s reaction above should not come as a surprise. After all, when adding the word okay to the end of a statement, parents actually invite, even request, a response. Therefore, when the response sparks controversy, it hardly seems fair for parents to direct their resulting frustration toward the child.
Some reading this may not consider adding okay to the end of statements to be a "big deal," and indeed, it may not be. There are many children who have heard the word added to the end of sentences so often they likely pay no attention to it at all. Others view it as an invitation to immediately respond. As is often the case with children, their response can (and often does) open the door for passionate parent-child disagreement.
Though adding okay to the end of statements may have already become a permanent aspect of our vernacular in the United States, it is worth reflecting on this somewhat perplexing addition. If parents find themselves engaged in frequent arguments with their children, it may be because their children view the addition as an open invitation to disagree. When the practice begins in early childhood, before children are developmentally able to apply sound reasoning and have not yet learned how to disagree respectfully, it can foster a sense of entitlement that is emotionally unhealthy and can negatively affect a child’s ability to apply sensible logic.
It behooves all parents to be mindful of how often they unnecessarily inject okay at the end of a statement and to consciously note their child’s reaction. In doing so, they may discover the root cause of the negative banter that often surfaces. Unless sincerely seeking an opinion, omitting okay from the end of a statement can prevent argumentative responses and reinforce a parent’s role as the leader of the family.
©Sharon Knapp Lamberth, January 2025
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